They Call Me Momma:
Relatives Raising Children

Documentary

Aired 2001

"She used to sit me on her knee, she used to comb my hair, she used to tell me stories, she took me everywhere. Oh, I remember, I remember, I remember so well…"

Renita Jablonski–In the song, "The Best of Times," jazz singer Diane Reeves recalls child hood memories of time spent with her grandmother… Saturday evening sleepovers, getting dressed up together to go to church, and being spoiled in that special way that only grandparents seem to have the magic to do.

But today more and more grandparents and other relatives are stepping in not just as occasional babysitters, but as full-time, primary caregivers.

Juanita Hohrn–Getting back into going to school, and going to PTA meetings, and signing report cards, and getting school clothes, and going into disciplining children again. It's something you, you think you're finished, I'm all finished with that and then you have to get back into that again and you sort of lose touch and it's difficult to go back there, it really is. It's a hard job.

RJ–57-year-old Juanita Hohrn is among more than 2.3 million grandparents nationwide who are raising their grandchildren. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of kids growing up in grandparent-headed households has more than doubled in the last three decades. Rob Geen is with the Urban Institute, a non-profit organization based in Washington D.C. that examines economic and social policy throughout the U.S. Geen says the phenomenon of kinship care, when a child is being raised by a relative other than his or her parent, began its sharp upturn in the 1980's.

Rob Geen–Prior to 1980, the child welfare system and when I say child welfare, I mean abuse and neglect or child protective services, didn't really use relatives as foster parents. When a child needed a place to, to stay when the parent couldn't care for them. But in the last two decades, child welfare has increasingly been using relatives as a option and often making them foster parents and now every state and the federal government gives preferences to relatives when a child does need to be removed.

RJ–At first glance, kinship care seems pretty straightforward: turn to kin as the first option and often it's the best option, since studies show children will have a less traumatic separation when placed with someone they know rather than with a stranger. But a closer look shows a much more complicated issue, involving overlapping generations, each with its own set of challenges. First, there's the so-called "missing generation," the parents who are unable to take care of their own kids.

Ingelore Reshke–My daughter has been an alcoholic and using drugs probably since she was 15. She's 33 now.

Rita Bell–My daughter was out in the street. She was on drugs.

JH–She just was not prepared. She was 17 when she had her first child and she, she wasn't even out of high school.

RJ–From teenage pregnancy to mental illness, incarceration to death, there are many reasons why grandma or grandpa, aunt or uncle, are stepping in as mom or dad, but chemical dependency is at the top of the list. A report issued through Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau and the Cuyahoga County Department of Children and Family Services shows nationally, 81% of birth mothers whose children are in kinship care experienced drug abuse.

Deborah Ray–It was like drugs were saying, well you know, I'm your friend, I love you, I care about you… and that's where I went. It just really had me going. So much money being spent on drugs, not on the house like it was supposed to be and they were like, being neglected.

RJ–Deborah Ray has lived both ends of the kinship care spectrum, that of a parent that could not raise her own child because of an addiction, and now she's being faced with helping to raise six nieces and nephews after her sister's death. The 43-year-old Clevelander is a recovered cocaine addict. The description matches that of a majority of women seeking help through the county's Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services Board. Latest statistics show that not only are most mothers, 64% are African American and half are between the ages of 36 and 55. It makes sense then that a recent survey by Cleveland State University indicates that nearly two-thirds of kinship caregivers in the Cleveland area are black. Professor Wornie Reed conducted the study. He says while African American women tend to make up the majority of relatives raising children, it's important to keep in mind the situation is present in all socioeconomic and ethnic groups - and many have similar concerns.

Wornie Reed–What are the kind of legal ramifications? Or will the child be taken away from them and put into the county? Or what's going to happen because the school doesn't know yet that the kid does not belong to me because at a certain point somewhere along the way, they may have to do something formally in order to be the one who signs the paper for the kid in school or somewhere else. So, for various kinds of reasons, a percentage of people deny that they are providing care when we know that they are.

RJ–Reed says about half of caregivers surveyed in Cuyahoga County are between the ages of 50 and 65. 20% are older than 65. And it's not only grandmothers…

WR–About three-fourths of the relative caregivers are grandmothers so some people think only in terms of grandmothers. At least one-fourth are other people. In fact, about 10% of our sample in Cuyahoga County were men.

RJ–Robert Pickering is a good example. Pickering and his wife are raising their five-year old grandson and three-year old granddaughter. He says his life took an unexpected detour two summers ago, after a drive home from a day at the amusement park.

Robert Pickering–We were talking about my eldest daughter turning 18 years old and we were talking on the way back how I was saying, you know, "I'm a free man!" and my youngest one was going to be grown up already and when I pulled into the driveway, my daughter come running out, "Dad, they're going to take Michael and Ashley!" And I said, "What do you mean? What do you mean?" You know, I started asking her and they said that family services were coming out and taking the grandkids.

RJ–Pickering's son is the children's father. The boy and girl were living with their mother but the county stepped in after several bruises were spotted on the children's bodies. Rather than having the kids go into the foster care system, Pickering and his wife decided to take them in. Dr. Carol Musil is an associate professor at Case Western Reserve University. Since the mid-90's, she's been studying how taking on the responsibility of rearing children affects caregivers.

Carol Musil–One of the things that we found in our research is that grandmothers who are raising grandchildren, kinship caregivers, do have greater stress. They report greater parenting stress and they report some greater distress and strain in terms of the kind of care that they have to give. Certainly financial issues are always one of the major issues that we hear reported and people talk about but sometimes the stresses are also more subtle. It's the day-to-day stresses of raising children when you're 55 or older, when you have less energy to put into that task.

RJ–To help cope with the stresses of being a parent all over again, many relative caregivers are turning to kinship care support groups for comfort. Juanita Hohrn says by talking to others in the same shoes, it's helped her come to terms with her own situation.

JH–I was very angry. I had raised my children and I had recently remarried and I had plans for my life and I was very angry with my daughter. I was very disappointed and I just could not understand where I went wrong in raising her that she couldn't raise her own children and I was bitter and over the years I tried not to let the kids see this bitterness but I held it inside of myself and it didn't help, you know, I had to get over that and I had to realize that we don't all do the same things and no matter what, how great a parent I tried to be, somehow, you know, my daughter lost her way. You cannot do it alone. You cannot do it, that's why I'm a member of a support group also because it also helps.

RJ–Hohrn's 14-year-old granddaughter, Tamara Boles, says just as caregivers find solace in support groups, there needs to be a place for kids to turn. That's why Boles and several other Cleveland-area kinship teens formed their own support group.

Tamara Boles–I mean, we all, every child goes through the same situations, the same stages and everything but it might be a little harder for the ones living with their grandparents because like kids at school might tease and ridicule them or they might feel, not feel like they fit in or something like that.

RJ–Boles says she doesn't feel different from her peers, crediting her grandmother's honesty and frankness whenever answering any questions Boles had about her birth parents.

TB–Well, I don't hate her but this happened and she's not a bad person but she could improve by this, just don't let them grow up thinking well my mom is just horrible, my daddy's the horriblest person. And that's basically how I have such a positive attitude about things because I understand where my mom is coming from and I understand where my grandparents are coming from and in between somewhere they meet and I'm okay with that.

RJ–But meeting in the middle doesn't always happen that easily. Both Juanita Hohrn and her granddaughter say the generation gap has meant adjustments for both of them over the years. When Juanita Hohrn was a parent the first time around, she was snapping her fingers to Bill Withers' "Lean On Me…" But times have changed and so has what's on the radio dial, now she finds herself telling her grandchildren to turn down the rap music.

JH–I don't understand that!

RJ–Unfortunately, the biggest challenges facing kinship caregivers can't be fixed by just tuning into a different radio station. When a local aging center asked one grandmother to describe her kinship care experience, she wrote this poem entitled, "Why?"

Earley King–Why are you told that you have a choice when unexpectedly you are asked to take temporary custody of your grandchildren? If you are truly a grandparent who loves their grandchildren, you have no choice. The only way for you to be sure that your grandchildren are going to be taken care of properly is to take care of them yourself.

Why doesn't every grandparent know about grandparent support groups? Why do the case workers that you are assigned to show no compassion or understanding for you or the children that you are there to seek help for? If you are a working grandparent, why can't we have special consideration for application and redetermination, so that we don't have to take off work to fill these forms and bring the same documents every six months? Maybe a phone interview perhaps?

Why do the powers that be asked for and go by your gross income instead of what you actually received in your hand to work with? Why do you have to bring in your last three pay stubs, your savings account, and your checking account when you yourself are not eligible for any benefits? Why when there are monies available for car repairs do you have to take time off work to go to three different car repair shops to get three different estimates every time that you need a repair to your car? Especially, when you and they know that they are going to approve the lowest estimate every time? Why are you not notified by someone when your application for car repairs is approved?

Why is it that you cannot leave a message for your caseworker for days at a time because her mailbox is full? Why do foster parents get three times as much assistance to care for children that are not their own? And we who are grandparents, who are willing, even if we are not financially able to take care of our own grandchildren, are deprived of the same advantages that are given to foster families? Why can you only receive clothing and furniture assistance one time?

Why aren't all grandparents informed of what and all benefits that are available to and for their grandchildren at the very beginning? And why has it been such a long, hard struggle for grandparents to be recognized, appreciated, and equally funded along with the foster parents in the state of Ohio? Why? Why? Why? I am a truly concerned, custodial grandparent of two beautiful grandchildren and my name is Mrs. Earley King.

RJ–King says no matter how many times she's posed these questions, she never gets a straight answer. Her queries highlight what many grandparents and kinship care advocates interpret as a double-standard in the social services arena. On one hand, child protective services are turning more and more to kin, on the other hand, unless they are licensed caregivers, relatives are eligible for less than half of the amount of payment foster parents receive each month.

RP–Now we have to save the money you know, to buy them clothing, you know, and we have to buy special shampoos for them and so...
Grandson: Toys! Toys!
Pickering: Yes, and toys.
Boats.
And clothing.
Boats.
No, not boats. And shoes, oh my goodness. They grow out of their shoes so fast. I don't see how some of these parents can afford to go out and buy them expensive shoes for them because I mean, they're like only in them a couple months.

RJ–Research shows most relative caregivers are older adults on fixed incomes who can hardly afford the cost of raising kids. In Ohio, grandparents like Robert Pickering are eligible for a child-only welfare payment through the federally sponsored Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, or TANF program. That child-only payment is about $223, with a little more than $70 extra for each additional child.

RP–I am getting a check for both of the kids. I get a monthly, I get $305 a month for both kids.

RJ–However, if Pickering and his wife were licensed foster parents, that amount would more than double, starting at $500 a month per child. The Urban Institute's Rob Geen says in order for policy to change, caregiver advocates will need to change the minds of lawmakers who don't think relatives should get any extra cash.

RG–Some people believe that relatives should not be paid as foster parents because they are obligated to or should have some sense of family obligation.

RJ–But it's hard to find lawmakers who will admit to this point of view. Numerous calls to the Ohio legislature did not turn up anyone openly opposed to providing increased support to kinship caregivers. Rob Geen says the only way for kin to overcome the money barrier is to step up advocacy efforts. At the same time, he says policy makers need to re-examine the nation's child welfare system.

RG–It really comes back to what we think the mission of the child welfare system is. Is the child welfare system meant to care for all children who can't live with their parents? Or is it really meant to care for children who have been abused or neglected or who are at risk of abuse and neglect? For years relatives have been caring for children with no child welfare involvement. If they want to come into the child welfare system should we allow them to? And that's a difficult decision.

RJ–35 states offer subsidized guardianships for grandparents and while Ohio is not yet one of them, Cuyahoga County is currently in the process of applying for funding from the federal government to install such a measure. The numbers are well documented. There's no denying that kinship care arrangements are accounting for a growing number of non-traditional nuclear families. But with the current economic state of the nation, chances are changes related to kinship care will not be immediate. If more families wind up on welfare because of poor economic times, there will be even more competition for the federal dollars now going to relative caregivers in the form of child-only welfare payments. For now, along with continued advocacy, the best action grandparents and other relatives can take is to educate themselves about what services and benefits are available to them.